Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I am morally bankrupt
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
