i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize