if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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