Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You pole danced in your parka.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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