you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
