from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize