please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
