I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
