Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
