Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
