Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize