I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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