I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
