ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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