Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
