Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
