Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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