Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize