Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
