I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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