I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
