even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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