you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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