Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
