So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
