I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
