and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
