so let's talk penis.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
