ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize