i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
