Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize