How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
