he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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