Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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