I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We have started to decorate penises.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
