there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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