Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
