dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
