okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
