just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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