Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
