yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
