For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
