Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
