I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
