There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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