Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You know, be my cock's hype man.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
