i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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