It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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