Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
