I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize