are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
