I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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