can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
