Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How does one acquire holy water?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
