how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
