were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
