he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
