The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize