I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
