i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
