The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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