Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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