i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
