you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
