Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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