I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
