I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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