Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
