I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently the secret to your success is patron
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my liver is dry heaving
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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