So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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