drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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