I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
